Category Archives: Frances

Frances Is “Free” From Dinner (Written by Oliver)

Crazy Dinner: September 14, 2014

It all started like a regular dinner, with pork, roasted apples, raisins, and kale. Pretty good, I’d say. On the other hand, Frances ate it reluctantly. She knew that complaining wouldn’t get her any farther, so instead she found something to distract herself….

CHAPTER 1: Distraction

(Frances starts hiding her fork under her plate.)
Frances: Guys, I’m missing something.
Mom: Eat your food, Frances. (sighs, puts her head on the table)
(I find the fork from under Frances’ plate and put it on the table.)
Stella: Hey, let’s play the question game. (sucks thumb)
Oliver: Hey that sounds like a-
(Suddenly Frances sneezes. Snot flies everywhere.)
Stella: Really, Frances?!?
Frances: I need a nafpkin.
Oliver: Sure, I’ll get one. (Gets napkin.) Is there–
(Frances keeps playing, not noticing the napkin.)

CHAPTER 2: Warnings

(Dad was pretty silent during the first third; now he speaks.)
Dad: Cutlery, Frances! Cutlery!
Oliver: –anything I need to do for you?
Frances: Sure. (throws fork on the floor)
Oliver: I’ll get it.
Dad: Okay, Frances. Oliver was nice enough to get that for you. BUT PLEASE don’t do th-
(Frances does it again. Mom sighs again. Everyone is tired of this.)
Stella: I got it. (continues to suck thumb)
3 Oldest: Okay, Frances. (voices rising) We’ve had enough. ENOUGH. JUST EAT YOUR FOOD!!!!!

CHAPTER 3: Replacement

Mom: Do you know what? I have a good idea! Let’s trade her in for another baby!
Dad: Send her back to the–
Stella: Baby store!
Oliver: Hey, let’s put her in baby jail!
Stella: Arrest her! NEW Frances!
Dad: Frances 2.0! (chuckles)
Oliver: Frances I_I!
Frances: But I’m free!
Mom: We all now you’re three! It’s not funny, Frances!
(Suddenly nobody can stop laughing, including Frances herself. Mom just sits there, awestruck.

Frances: I’m three! I’m free! can I have pink ice cweam?

A few minutes later, Frances actually had her plate taken away after no eaten kale. She even got her red velvet cake ice cream.


The Talking Game

(As told by Oliver)

In the kitchen:

Dad: So Frances has now…
Frances: Ohber?
Dad: …learned to talk in real sentences, so…
Frances: Ohber!?
Dad: …you need to pay attention…
Frances: OHBBERRR!
Dad: …to her.
Oliver: What is it Frances?
Frances: Goodermthjaybribsakar.
Dad: If you don’t understand her, say “pardon” or “say that again,” OK?
Mum: You know I really don’t like that word “pardon.”
Oliver: Can you say that again, Frances?
Frances: Nooooooooooooooo!
[Oliver storms into the living room and flops on the couch]
Balloon maker: Pppfffffffppffffftttttt!
Frances: Ha, ha, that’s really funny!

Frances speaks

Me: Frances, how was preschool?
F: There was a bad baby.
Me: A bad baby?
F: Yes
M: Why, what did the bad baby do?
F: She hit me!!!
M: She hit you? Oh no.
F: It hurt!!
M. What was her name??
F: Jooooolia.
M: Oh dear. Where did she hit you?
F: Uhhhh. On my arm.
M: I see, and what happened?
F: I told Miss Jackie!!!
M: you told Miss Jackie??
F: Yes
M: And what happened?
F: Joooooolya had time out! Because she is a bad baby! Miss Jackie said!
M: Right. this is why we don’t hit. Right?
F: But sometimes I hit Stella.
M: Right, which is bad. We shouldn’t hit, right?
F: Uh, sometimes I hit Stella.
M: But should we hit Stella?
F: Uh. Yes.