All posts by Matthew

A Regular Dinner Conversation (Yuck!!!)

(Written and typed by Oliver)

We’re having risotto for dinner. I like pretty much any food, but risotto is the minority.  Only Mom and Dad like it but they don’t like it when we complain. Now let me tell you about the worst dinner of the year….

6:02 pm.

Mom: okay, no complaining, so we can have a regular dinner.

All Kids: Ewww!! What IS this!?

Dad: Risotto is good for you . No eat, no treat! It’s our way of eating food!

Oliver: What does it have in it?

Dad: Chicken and vegetables.

Oliver: Anything else?

Meanwhile, Stella begins to take a bite.Suddenly, her mouth begins to tremble.

Stella: Yuck!!

Dad (interrupted) No, nothing else really.

Oliver: Maybe it isn’t that bad….(begins to take a bite) MMPH!!!

Mom thinks I said “Mmmm!” She tells Dad.

Dad (to Oliver) Do you like it? Have some more!

Oliver: Uuuunnhhh…No really, I couldn’t eat another bite….

 

15 minutes later….

 

Mom: Guys, you need to eat a little faster. Me and Dad are already finished. You should be by now.

After the comment, EVERYONE complains.

Oliver:How much more of this do I need to eat!?

Stella: I wish we could have grilled cheese!!

Frances: Mummi! Want yu hod haund!

Dad: (sighing) Oliver, eat as much as you can. Stella, we’ll have grilled cheese tomorrow…. FRANCES! You haven’t eaten a bite!!! Eat a bite and then I will hold your hand!!

Frances: HOD HAUND!!

Dad finally gives in.

 

6:55 pm, 53 minutes after we started….

 

Parents: COME ON, EVERYONE! You have 5 minutes before this food goes in the trash and you get NO fruit and NO treat!!!

Everyone is hysterical.

Stella: NOOOOOOOOOO!!

Oliver: But…. but I’m almost-

Dad: Okay, Oliver. Eat 2 more bites. FRANCES, COME ON!!!

 

1.25 hours before bedtime….

 

Oliver: May I please have my F-R-

Stella: May I please have-

Dad: I don’t think anyone deserves fruit or treat. Do you agree, Kim?

Mom: I definitely agree.

Oliver: May I be excused?

Stella: May I be excused?

Mom: Yes, you may be excused, if you-

Mom does not finish. Everyone except her, eager to go, leaves the table in a flash.

Mom: (to herself) Why don’t the kids like risotto?! I think a pattern is going on here.

 

And Mom was right. The complaining for risotto only slightly improved, and nobody ever managed to get a treat. And when grilled cheese was served the next day , it was devoured faster than rhubarb crumble.

 

The Talking Game

(As told by Oliver)

In the kitchen:

Dad: So Frances has now…
Frances: Ohber?
Dad: …learned to talk in real sentences, so…
Frances: Ohber!?
Dad: …you need to pay attention…
Frances: OHBBERRR!
Dad: …to her.
Frances: OHHHBBBEERRRRR!!
Oliver: What is it Frances?
Frances: Goodermthjaybribsakar.
Dad: If you don’t understand her, say “pardon” or “say that again,” OK?
Mum: You know I really don’t like that word “pardon.”
Oliver: Can you say that again, Frances?
Frances: Nooooooooooooooo!
[Oliver storms into the living room and flops on the couch]
Balloon maker: Pppfffffffppffffftttttt!
Frances: Ha, ha, that’s really funny!