K reports: So I made Pad Thai. It is the tiniest bit spicy. Really. It is very mild. About five minutes in:
O: Mom! What is wrong with my mouth?
Me (Pretending this is not happening): Nothing.
O: It is! Something is very wrong! And I think my mouth is broken!
S: Owwwwwwwwww! Waaaahhh!!
Me: It is just a little spicy.
O: It is what? Spice-me?!?! I hate spytsee!! Why did you spytsme??
S: Oh no! Oh dear. It spyeee!!!
Me: Guys, it isn’t that bad. Drink some milk and it will make it not be so spicy.
They both drink about a gallon of milk. Then they start eating again. About five minutes later:
O: It is spiced-tea again!
S: My nose is runnin! It making my nose runnin! Oh no! It burning! My mouf burnin’ and my nose burnin’!! Wwaaaahhh!!!
O: Mom!! My mouth is burning! It is burning off my head!!
S: Waaaaahhhh!! I got snot on my spyceeee!! Now it tastes wooorrrssseee!!!
O: I cannot feel my tongue! My tongue is gone! It burned off!!!
S: Why you feed us this???? Whhhyyy??? Wwwwaahhhhh!!!
O: Now I can’t feel my whole head! These noodles broke my head!! It is so spytsee I can’t EVEN SEE!!
S: I gonna have a puke! I have snot and spyee!! Waaahhhh!!!
And so it went for 20 minutes. Our children are clearly not designed for adventurous travel.
Pretty sophisticated food for peanuts characters. When I was that age I stopped at cookies and baloney on white bread. But milk! Yes, that is the cure for spiced-mouth!
Bring them to China! That’ll fix them.
You started them too late. Now you’re doomed.